a friend of mine from memphis, who i've known since 7th grade, just recently moved to georgia. she is among the list of friends who didn't make the cut at the beginning of the year. specifically, she's the one whose lifestyle is less than desirable. anyway, she moved to georgia recently and obviously wants to see me because for her i am still her best friend. so she's been calling
and calling
and calling
trying to catch up with me.
i finally listened to one of her voicemails and it was just
sad
i'm a bad person. who am i to blast someone else's life? but on the flip side, i honestly have no desire to be in contact with her.
sad
aren't friends suppose to lift you up, inspire you? why can't i be that for her?
aren't friends suppose to be a reflection of yourself and ultimately who you want to be? why can't she be that for me?
i've grown so much since the last time we lived within walking distance of each other, but she hasn't...i dunno
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
'cause we're best friends, right?
since the year started i have downsized the number of people i consider my friends. i'm relentless.
i've been cutting folks left and right for minor offenses. if you make me feel bad, you're gone; if your lifestyle differs from mine, you're outta here; if you're messy, buh-bye; if you don't listen, you're dunzo.
now i don't have anyone to hang out with. no one to call.
so i'm wondering if i should sacrifice my sanity and nerves just to have someone to talk to?
perhaps,find replacements?
how do you even go about getting new friends at this age? my co-workers are not an option. church maybe? the salespeople at my fave stores? my parents? dunno.
perhaps i can use this time to focus on myse....naw, that sounds lame.
here's a song by amy winehouse called "best friends"...apparently she's had the same problem with her best friends.
Best Friend - Amy Winehouse
i've been cutting folks left and right for minor offenses. if you make me feel bad, you're gone; if your lifestyle differs from mine, you're outta here; if you're messy, buh-bye; if you don't listen, you're dunzo.
now i don't have anyone to hang out with. no one to call.
so i'm wondering if i should sacrifice my sanity and nerves just to have someone to talk to?
perhaps,find replacements?
how do you even go about getting new friends at this age? my co-workers are not an option. church maybe? the salespeople at my fave stores? my parents? dunno.
perhaps i can use this time to focus on myse....naw, that sounds lame.
here's a song by amy winehouse called "best friends"...apparently she's had the same problem with her best friends.
Best Friend - Amy Winehouse
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
lessons learned: relationships
it happened again today.
i was eating dinner with a lovely writer from the program and she asked the question.
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
i look down as i begin to cut into the large piece of meat on my plate. earlier in the day, while running errands around the city, we spotted a Middle Eastern restaurant called Grill Kabob. curious, we both decided to meet up at the restaurant after our last class of the day. however, as i played around with the tough beef kabob I wished we would have stuck to a more familiar fare.
"No," i reply as i place my fork down on the table, giving up on my attempt to finish the oddly cooked beef. i look up in time to see my dinner companion give me an awkward and astonished face, as if she'd just bitten into a cut lemon with salt sprinkled on top.
"How old are you?" she questions.
i've always wonder why people, often strangers, ask this question...
ha ha that was my attempt at fiction. but the situation was real. i just came home from dining with a new friend i met while in charlotte, then she goes and ruins the mood by asking me such a ridiculous question. however, since this question is always coming up i'm beginning to wonder if i'm not the problem; and got me to thinking about my relationship portfolio.
i've learned so much about myself from being in relationships. in my first college relationship i met a guy, let's call him Brandon. i met him through my, get this, roommate's cousin....we all attended the same school. quite honestly, i was not attracted to Brandon, but he liked me so much so i figured i should date him. WRONG! he was annoying as crap. i spent the majority of our relationship trying to get out of it! now, 5 years after our relationship i can say we are friends...but he's still annoying as all hell. through Brandon i realized that just because someone likes you, it doesn't mean you should date him.
my next important relationship happened a few years later while still in college. hmmmm, let's call him Brandon 2. and we were so off and on. always fighting and in and out of each other's life...so frustrating. at one point we were secretly together (that's a ginormous hint of a bad relationship if i ever saw one)....ugh! just thinking about this relationship angers me all over again. just recently we were in each other's lives, trying to do the relationship thing...obviously didn't work. but looking back i've realized that i changed myself too much for him. my clothes, my conversation, everything. in retrospect, i was actually physically uncomfortable around Brandon 2 because of i was hiding so much of myself. sigh.
i never want to be in a position where i am not 100% of myself with someone again.
stay fab!
(side note: are these pics cheesy? i try to add pix to break up all the words, but i'm beginning to wonder if it's over the top)
i was eating dinner with a lovely writer from the program and she asked the question.
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
i look down as i begin to cut into the large piece of meat on my plate. earlier in the day, while running errands around the city, we spotted a Middle Eastern restaurant called Grill Kabob. curious, we both decided to meet up at the restaurant after our last class of the day. however, as i played around with the tough beef kabob I wished we would have stuck to a more familiar fare.
"No," i reply as i place my fork down on the table, giving up on my attempt to finish the oddly cooked beef. i look up in time to see my dinner companion give me an awkward and astonished face, as if she'd just bitten into a cut lemon with salt sprinkled on top.
"How old are you?" she questions.
i've always wonder why people, often strangers, ask this question...
ha ha that was my attempt at fiction. but the situation was real. i just came home from dining with a new friend i met while in charlotte, then she goes and ruins the mood by asking me such a ridiculous question. however, since this question is always coming up i'm beginning to wonder if i'm not the problem; and got me to thinking about my relationship portfolio.
i've learned so much about myself from being in relationships. in my first college relationship i met a guy, let's call him Brandon. i met him through my, get this, roommate's cousin....we all attended the same school. quite honestly, i was not attracted to Brandon, but he liked me so much so i figured i should date him. WRONG! he was annoying as crap. i spent the majority of our relationship trying to get out of it! now, 5 years after our relationship i can say we are friends...but he's still annoying as all hell. through Brandon i realized that just because someone likes you, it doesn't mean you should date him.
my next important relationship happened a few years later while still in college. hmmmm, let's call him Brandon 2. and we were so off and on. always fighting and in and out of each other's life...so frustrating. at one point we were secretly together (that's a ginormous hint of a bad relationship if i ever saw one)....ugh! just thinking about this relationship angers me all over again. just recently we were in each other's lives, trying to do the relationship thing...obviously didn't work. but looking back i've realized that i changed myself too much for him. my clothes, my conversation, everything. in retrospect, i was actually physically uncomfortable around Brandon 2 because of i was hiding so much of myself. sigh.
i never want to be in a position where i am not 100% of myself with someone again.
stay fab!
(side note: are these pics cheesy? i try to add pix to break up all the words, but i'm beginning to wonder if it's over the top)
Monday, March 16, 2009
guys
i'm not sure if i mentioned this but i am not dating until november. i made the vow to myself last november; initially, not by choice, but now that i am 4 months deep into this predicament i have decided to take ownership of my single status. after numerous bad dating experiences last year i'm just outdone...this dating thing is not for me. so i figure i should take some time out of the game to get my weight up and get my head right!
so, because of this hiatus from dating i'm a little confused about some feelings i'm going through right now. some time last year i hooked up with this guy (side note: what the hell does hook up mean? i never really heard that word until laguna beach and even then i was always confused about whether hook up meant just making out or actually sexing. however, for future knowledge, when i use the word hook up i DO NOT mean sexing...i would just come out and say it). though i am a lady i am still a child of this generation (don't judge), so the fact that i met someone yet made out with him crazy on the same day is nothing out of the ordinary. but what is out of the ordinary is that i cannot stop thinking about him! he is really a great guy, has his head right, and is actually the type of man i would want to be with! YIKES! am i crazy? it's been 6 months and i still think about him on a daily basis....well, the fact that we are facebook friends aids in my inability to get rid of him in my head.but everytime i come across his profile, i think to myself, "he would be good for me....i would be good for him." is this just some one sided thing? could he be thinking of me? is this normal?
speaking about guys...i went on a date last october with this other guy and we were kinda talking but then he goes ghost. for example, in december, before the holidays, he disappeared. i texted him once and got no reply so i figured he was done with me. which was actually okay with me...i don't expect every guy to like me. but then he resurfaces in january with a text that states, "you just forgot me?" huh? he claims that he was trying to contact me and i never replied back; and i just don't believe that...i mean, my phone acts janky at times, but if you've been trying to get at me i would have received at least one of your messages. so after that he went ghost again! then yesterday he sends me another text message stating, "damn you forgot me." ugh!!!! i didn't reply back.
so that leaves me single BUT very happy! despite the images of the broken hearts i am far from broken hearted (i just really liked the images). i am doing big things in my life and i really just need to focus on the different endeavors i plan to pursue.
stay fab!
so, because of this hiatus from dating i'm a little confused about some feelings i'm going through right now. some time last year i hooked up with this guy (side note: what the hell does hook up mean? i never really heard that word until laguna beach and even then i was always confused about whether hook up meant just making out or actually sexing. however, for future knowledge, when i use the word hook up i DO NOT mean sexing...i would just come out and say it). though i am a lady i am still a child of this generation (don't judge), so the fact that i met someone yet made out with him crazy on the same day is nothing out of the ordinary. but what is out of the ordinary is that i cannot stop thinking about him! he is really a great guy, has his head right, and is actually the type of man i would want to be with! YIKES! am i crazy? it's been 6 months and i still think about him on a daily basis....well, the fact that we are facebook friends aids in my inability to get rid of him in my head.but everytime i come across his profile, i think to myself, "he would be good for me....i would be good for him." is this just some one sided thing? could he be thinking of me? is this normal?
speaking about guys...i went on a date last october with this other guy and we were kinda talking but then he goes ghost. for example, in december, before the holidays, he disappeared. i texted him once and got no reply so i figured he was done with me. which was actually okay with me...i don't expect every guy to like me. but then he resurfaces in january with a text that states, "you just forgot me?" huh? he claims that he was trying to contact me and i never replied back; and i just don't believe that...i mean, my phone acts janky at times, but if you've been trying to get at me i would have received at least one of your messages. so after that he went ghost again! then yesterday he sends me another text message stating, "damn you forgot me." ugh!!!! i didn't reply back.
so that leaves me single BUT very happy! despite the images of the broken hearts i am far from broken hearted (i just really liked the images). i am doing big things in my life and i really just need to focus on the different endeavors i plan to pursue.
stay fab!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
maintaining the fab is going to be hard in the next few weeks. you see, at work i have an event coming up. due to ill planning, (i'm not going to take the blame because the communications department is notorious for this) the invitations were mailed out 2 weeks before the event...yikes! so i'm praying for a miracle guys. so far we have 10 RSVP's....so hopefully (prayerfully) another 10 can sign up so i won't look like a complete loser.
also, this grad school thing is majorly stressing me out. i have already applied to one school and i even got a reply back (i think), but thing is i haven't opened the letter...just too scared. i mailed out a second application earlier this week and will mail out my finally application by the end of this week. i probably won't ever open those letters either...unless i'm really drunk...nothing ever fazes me when i'm smashed.
but anyway, no one wants to hear about this...
why do people feel the need to inquire about your relationship status? i get this question oh, say, daily and it's starting to become quite annoying. i am such a relationship person, but i'm hardly EVER in a relationship (not even a prospect), so to be constantly reminded or made to feel funny about it is an extra hard pill to swallow. perhaps, it's out of concern, lack of conversation topics, or curiosity (maybe they want to hook me up with someone)...i dunno.
UPDATE: why do people feel the need to inquire about what you're eating (or not eating). so i work in an office where birthday's are celebrated by cakes and other sweets. yesterday we had cake and cookies for someone's birthday. i politely declined and everyone lost their minds. "well, why don't you want cake?" "do you want cookies?" "i don't understand" "you're so good...you must be on a diet." i didn't think it was that big of a deal. it was really awkward...so i left. then today was someone else's birthday so of course cake was involved....same thing. i understand that we are a celebratory nation that celebrates with food but i honestly wasn't hungry...in addition to simply not being hungry, here are other reasons why i didn't eat the cake ...it was 9am, honestly, cake makes me have the bubble guts and i didn't want to be on the toilet all day, something's wrong with me(not sick, but i've been reacting funny to food...so until my doctor appt. i'm not gonna chance it with some cheap cake).and i am not on a diet...why do i have to do on a diet if i refuse cake?.....just wanted to vent a bit!
stay fab!
also, this grad school thing is majorly stressing me out. i have already applied to one school and i even got a reply back (i think), but thing is i haven't opened the letter...just too scared. i mailed out a second application earlier this week and will mail out my finally application by the end of this week. i probably won't ever open those letters either...unless i'm really drunk...nothing ever fazes me when i'm smashed.
but anyway, no one wants to hear about this...
why do people feel the need to inquire about your relationship status? i get this question oh, say, daily and it's starting to become quite annoying. i am such a relationship person, but i'm hardly EVER in a relationship (not even a prospect), so to be constantly reminded or made to feel funny about it is an extra hard pill to swallow. perhaps, it's out of concern, lack of conversation topics, or curiosity (maybe they want to hook me up with someone)...i dunno.
UPDATE: why do people feel the need to inquire about what you're eating (or not eating). so i work in an office where birthday's are celebrated by cakes and other sweets. yesterday we had cake and cookies for someone's birthday. i politely declined and everyone lost their minds. "well, why don't you want cake?" "do you want cookies?" "i don't understand" "you're so good...you must be on a diet." i didn't think it was that big of a deal. it was really awkward...so i left. then today was someone else's birthday so of course cake was involved....same thing. i understand that we are a celebratory nation that celebrates with food but i honestly wasn't hungry...in addition to simply not being hungry, here are other reasons why i didn't eat the cake ...it was 9am, honestly, cake makes me have the bubble guts and i didn't want to be on the toilet all day, something's wrong with me(not sick, but i've been reacting funny to food...so until my doctor appt. i'm not gonna chance it with some cheap cake).and i am not on a diet...why do i have to do on a diet if i refuse cake?.....just wanted to vent a bit!
stay fab!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)